Tag Archives: Ben Starr

“Pumpkin”nickel Bread

Burning Man 2012: The Pilgrimage

If you’ve been following me since my season of MasterChef aired last summer, you know how fanatical I am about the Burning Man festival.  Trying to describe this event is practically impossible.  Each summer 60,000 people from all over the world assemble on a dry desert lake bed in northern Nevada and build a city dedicated to “radical self expression.”  For the week that this city exists, it is filled with incredible art, dazzling performances, and workshops on everything from solar power to shamanic healing to community development.  Money is not allowed in this city.  Everything is free.  And the experience perpetuates itself through a “culture of gifting,” where you are expected to contribute to the city in whatever way you can.  If you’re a penniless artist, the city will offer you an art grant, and your contribution is a work of art.  If you’re a massage therapist, you’re expected to gift random massages to tired-looking people on the street, or to set up a massage booth several hours a day.  If you’re a wealthy dot-com magnate, you bring a massive dance club and bar, or a restaurant, or you sponsor tickets for those who can’t afford them.

This was my fourth year at Burning Man, and I can’t really imagine my life without it.  Immersing yourself in a city that completely rejects our societal norms…gender roles…decorum and formality and pomp and circumstance…is incredibly refreshing.  At Burning Man, you are expected to be completely and utterly yourself.  No one is going to criticize you for looking and acting however you want.  Burning Man is a place of supreme acceptance, peace, and joy.

But it’s no easy task getting there.  I left for Burning Man 6 days before its gates opened.  2 days before that, though, I was cooking up a storm.  I smoked 2 pork shoulders.  I turned 2 briskets into beef jerky.  And I made GALLONS of hummus and babaganouj (smoked eggplant and sesame dip).  I froze everything, put it into 2 coffin-sized coolers along with all my gear for a month, and headed west.

I made a small detour to visit my parents, way out in Snyder, Texas.  Since MasterChef, I don’t get to visit them as often as I used to because my schedule is so busy.  Mom made a delicious breakfast of farm eggs, blueberry pancakes, and fresh raw goat milk.  Delicious!

All too soon, back to the road.  I wanted to make Tucson that night, so I could arrive in Phoenix for lunch with the incomparable Monti Carlo, so that I could arrive in Apple Valley, CA in time for dinner with Stacey.  By the time I arrived at Monti’s house, though, she was in tears, frantically cooking.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“My watch party is tonight and all these people are coming…”

But I could tell that wasn’t what was bothering her.  I gave her that “tell me what’s REALLY wrong” look.

“Tonight’s my night to go.”

I felt like such a terrible friend at that moment.  Here I am, rushing to get to Stacey’s house, and tonight is a really big, scary night for Monti.  The night she gets eliminated from MasterChef.

“I have to stay, then,” I said.

“Are you crazy, dude?!?  Stacey’s husband just went deep sea fishing and has pounds and pounds of tuna for you guys to eat.  You have to go.  I’ll be fine.”

We chatted about Burning Man for a bit and I convinced her that she HAD to come next year.  We’re gonna have a MasterChef camp with a full kitchen and have mystery box challenges, and feed the good people of Burning Man INCREDIBLE food.  That cheered her up a bit, but I still felt like a dirtbag when I drove off.

It’s about 6 hours from Monti’s house to Stacey’s house, through the barren Mojave Desert.  Stacey lives (…or, rather, lived) in Apple Valley, California.  A tiny village (by California standards) that most people have never heard of.  But *I* know it well, as it’s the closest town to the Deep Creek hot springs…an extraordinary set of wilderness hot springs in a wild canyon, only a few short hours from Los Angeles.  I’ve soaked there so often, it’s entirely possible that I been there at the same time Stacey was there…even a decade ago, when she was still in high school.  She and her friends frequented the hot springs back then, which is when I was soaking there most frequently.  How crazy is that?!?

Stacey lives (er…lived) at the end of a long dirt road, smack dab up against a big granite mountain, in one of the coolest houses I’ve ever seen.  Small, cozy, eclectic, absolutely FILLED with fresh produce.  Stacey manages a farmer’s market, so she’s always bringing home gifts from the farmers.  Her decorations are literally almost entirely edible.  Lemons and avocados were stuffed in every available corner of every room, even the bathroom.

And then, of course, there was Stacey.  Her personality on the show was so big and bold, that I was completely taken aback by how tiny she is.  She must weigh 80 pounds soaking wet.  But one of the brightest and most joyful souls I’ve ever met.  The first thing she did was shove a bowl of poke into my arms.  THEN she hugged me.  (Poke is pronounced “PO-kay” and it’s a Hawaiian specialty of raw fish marinated with soy and citrus, mixed with a variety of ingredients like onion, seaweed, sesame seeds, etc.  It’s one of my favorite things in all the world.)

Her fridge and several coolers were overflowing with fresh tuna and other fish that her hubby Mike and his buddies had caught.  And Stacey pulled out the stops and created a menu based entirely around raw fish.  Take a look:

The party was going in full force out in her backyard, which is easily the coolest entertaining space I’ve seen.  Funky, hippy, Bohemian, southwestern shabby chic.  I felt right at home.

Stacey and Mike love to entertain, and I enjoyed reading her “Party Rules” board:

She has a pond where rosemary (a desert plant) and ginger (a tropical plant) are growing side-by-side.  Over in the corner is her extensive container garden:

Stacey lives next door to her parents, who are delightful people.  Their backyard is also incredible, with a huge waterfall, and an outdoor kitchen to rival anything I’ve ever seen.   Stacey is Italian, so her family obviously has to have a pizza oven, and this one puts my little homemade oven to shame:

After a tour, we were back in the kitchen cooking and eating.  One of Stacey’s favorite things to make is sushi.  (Ironic, because she was eliminated from MasterChef after a sushi challenge.)  Her spicy tuna rolls were absolutely divine.

We literally gorged on raw fish.  MasterChef was playing in the background, but I wanted to watch Monti’s farewell episode in private rather than a party setting, so I ignored it.  We talked long into the night about how MasterChef had changed our lives.  Stacey and I felt like we’d known each other all our lives…I felt so connected to her so quickly.  She and Mike are definitely my kinda people.  Eventually I drifted off to sleep on her couch, and I awoke the next morning to this:

If that’s not being pampered, I don’t what what is!  It’s a plate of cheeses, fruit, and nuts, and on the side is a serving of poke, underneath of which is a shot of smoked tomato water.  !!!  Lucky me!

It was a busy morning.  Stacey was canning her homemade barbeque sauce, which I was lucky enough to taste (and then get a pint of!).  Stacey puts even more ingredients in her sauce than I do.  Her base is smoked tomatoes, which is totally genius.  And one of her many “secret” spices is fenugreek.  Her sauce is EASILY the most complex and delicious I’ve ever tasted.

In addition to BBQ sauce, there was a whole yellowtail left from the night before, and it had to be dealt with.  Stacey stuffed it full of lemons from her grandmother’s tree and herbs from her garden, filled the body cavity with aromatics, and Mike smoked it out back.  While it was smoking, though, Stacey had plans.

“See that mountain behind the house?  Let’s climb it!”

I strapped on my hiking boots and she and I headed for the hills.  20 minutes later (it seemed MUCH longer), we topped out about 800 feet above her house on the pinnacle of the granite crag.  I had been driving for 2 days, and it felt so good to use by body for a change.  But by the time we got back down, we were sweating like crazy, so we plunged into her parents’ saltwater pool and talked about her impending move to the Hawaiian island of Kauai, where she’s going to start a restaurant and sell her BBQ sauce and several other artisan items in the farmers’ market.  She was sad to leave this incredible place that she and Mike have truly made their own.  But excited to be moving to a place exploding with life and abundance, where life moves at a slower pace, and where food and the land are considered sacred.

I was sad to leave Stacey’s house.  We spent barely 20 hours together, but I had grown incredibly fond of her and Mike both.  There are some people you meet in this world who share the same soul…the same ideals.  I am so excited to visit Stacey in Kauai (where she already is!) and see how she’s putting down her new Hawaiian roots!  Follow Stacey’s adventure here.

Then I drove into Los Angeles to meet…FELIX!  I don’t think ANY contestant this year on MasterChef was more intriguing to be from the start.  I absolutely adored Felix.  I don’t think they featured her enough, and I don’t think she was eliminated fairly.  From talking to my friends from this season, they all just raved about Felix and what a unique person she is.

Moments after arriving at her West Hollywood apartment, she had a katana at my throat.  *giggle*

Felix is a fascinating girl.  Hysterically funny with one of the most expressive faces I’ve ever seen.  She’s sexy and brassy and bold, but at the same time, shy and quiet and diminutive.  Felix has been working as a food runner at one of LA’s most famous fine-dining restaurants for awhile, and has just been promoted to a server, which means the potential for a BIG increase in pay.  So I’m really happy for her.  Of course, she wants to be in the kitchen, and with her determination, she’ll be there in no time.  But she’s such a people person, like me, I’m not sure being cooped up in a commercial kitchen is for her.  Maybe she should be doing underground dinners, like Jennie Kelley and I are with FRANK, where she can interact with the people she’s cooking for…

Felix and Tanya and I met up with my sweet little Peanut (Esther, from my season) and had dinner in Korea Town.  Tanya has been living in LA, staging (the culinary equivalent of interning) at restaurants and has now gotten a paid job at a bakery.  Tanya, like David Martinez and Michael Chen, plunged head-first into the culinary world after MasterChef ended, and is serious about turning her passion for food into her career.  I’m so proud of her!

It was fun having this little cross-season dinner.  Esther hasn’t had time to watch the current season, so she had no idea who Tanya and Felix were.  But they shared the same intense experience that Esther and I did, and Tanya and Felix are very close, like Esther and I are.

After dinner, I got to meet Felix’s adorable boyfriend.  They’ve known each other for years, since they both lived in Puna…the southeastern district of the Big Island of Hawaii, which is where I’m trying to move to start my farm.  They are an adorable couple.  But all too early, I had to leave for San Diego, because the clock was ticking, and I still had to cook a week’s worth of food for 30 people before Burning Man.

In San Diego I met up with my dearest friends Nate and Sandy.  I’ve known them for 17 years, since college.  They just gave birth to their first child scarcely a month before I arrived, and for some reason they decided to play host to our “base camp” for Burning Man this year…as if they didn’t have their hands full with baby!  Normally they go to Burning Man with us, but certainly not this year.  Though it was a bit of torture for them, watching us all get ready for the event, knowing they weren’t going.

My dear friend Raspberry, who I’ve known for more than a decade, and my best buddy Monty (my old college roomie) arrived in town from the Pacific Northwest, and the first order of business upon arrival was hair dyeing.  At Burning Man, if you look “normal,” you’re probably not expressing yourself radically.  So for the past 3 years, I’ve dyed my hair some crazy color, and Raspberry decided to join me this year.  (Raspberry isn’t his real name, but we call each other Raspberry because of a random connection to Carol Channing’s character in the film Thoroughly Modern Millie…long story.)  So we started the laborious transformation which first requires bleaching your hair until it’s almost white.

Classy!

After that, it’s 2 hours of heating the shocking color into your bleached hair, followed by careful washing, followed by an apple cider vinegar soak to raise the pH and seal in the color.  And you end up with this:

Early the next morning, it was grocery shopping time.  Buying enough food, beer, snacks, and camping supplies for 30 people for a week is no small matter.  This was the bill at the FIRST stop:

And that was just the first.  I spent well over $2,000 that morning.  Then we went to the extraordinary home belonging to my friends Mark and Elaine to start cooking.  We had to make Pad Thai, sesame noodles, chicken salad, chicken with saffron rice,  pasta salad, braised cabbage, beans…and then freeze it all with dry ice.  Thankfully, Elaine and Raspberry are both superb cooks, so we made short time of it.  Mark and Elaine’s kids even got involved.

Mark and Elaine are my kinda folks.  They grow much of their own food, they have an AMAZING chicken coop filled with layers, and their kids have incredibly broad palates.  (They were scarfing down my vinegary braised cabbage like it was candy.)  When we were finished, I was able to introduce the kids to the wonders of dry ice…I remember being so mesmerized by it when I was a kid.

With food cooked and frozen solid and our massive infrastructure loaded into the 22′ truck, we headed north to Reno, stopping along the way to pick up my new friend Denis.  I met Denis on my last trip out west, 3 months ago, at a hot spring just south of Yellowstone.  (Blog coming soon.)  He’s one of the more fascinating people I’ve met.  He started college when he was 16, in a quadruple major program: Mathematics, Economics, Russian, and Ceramic Arts.  (???)  After 4 years of intense study, he needed a break, so he had spent the past year working in California’s Youth Conservation Corps, building trails and fighting fires in the wilderness.  Denis is the biggest social butterfly I’ve ever met, so when he decided to come to Burning Man with us, I knew it was going to be an amazing experience for him.  Especially since he would turn 21 during the event!

Sunday morning we rendezvoused with a large contingent from our camp for breakfast at Peg’s Glorified Ham and Eggs, my favorite eatery in Reno.  Promise me that you will NEVER visit Reno without eating there.  They have 3 locations around this VERY small town, and each of them are jam packed every day of the week.  Peg’s is legendary for huge portions…in fact they serve most of their entrees inside a massive skillet.  Denis is legendary for packing away food, so he ordered the full 1-pound ham steak, 3 eggs, hash browns, cabbage slaw, fried bananas, and a thick slice of cantaloupe.  3 minutes after it arrived, it was gone:

And that wasn’t all.  I could only stuff HALF my tamale skillet into my stomach, so Denis finished mine.  And then Raspberry needed help with his plate.  Denis basically polished off about 8 pounds of food for breakfast…a good thing because as much as he was about to bounce around Burning Man, missing half the meals in camp, he’d need all the calories he could get!

After breakfast, a few hours to gather last-minute supplies, and then it was off to Burning Man…about a 2 hour drive northeast of Reno in the high desert.  The route passes Pyramid Lake, a massive inland sea named for a natural rock formation near the shore.  This is the home of the Pyramid Lake tribe, who have lived in this desert for centuries.

Your eyes are weary, and my fingers are sore.  And we have YET to arrive at Burning Man.  So I’ll let you off the hook for now, and pick back up again tomorrow.  I have amazing stories and images and videos about Burning Man to share with you, and perhaps an even more amazing account of the long journey home afterward.  So why don’t you go ahead and subscribe to my blog in the upper right corner of this page, to make sure you don’t miss another post!

Today: 10 Years

Today my partner and I celebrate 10 years together.  10 wonderful years filled with travel, food, and amazing friends and family.  Most people who look back on a decade of a relationship tend to say, “We’ve been through good times and bad times.”  But I have a hard time pinpointing any bad times along the way.  Sure, we’ve struggled financially.  We’ve been in a small handful of arguments (mostly over what colors to paint the house).  We’ve faced layoffs, deaths in our families, my coming-out to my family at age 34…  But I can’t classify any of these as “bad times.”

Most people mark their anniversary from the date they got married.  We can’t do that, because it’s against the law for us to get married, both in the state where we live, and in the country we call home.

I tend to speak with a fair amount of reserve when it comes to political and religious issues, and I don’t address my sexuality very often.  I know I have many, many fans who are uncomfortable thinking or discussing or reading about this issue.

Christmas Kiss

But as this is my 10th anniversary, I do hope you’ll take a moment to truly consider what I have to say in this blog entry.  Close your doors, turn off your phone, and tune in.  Wrestle with this.  Don’t let your pastor or your spouse or your political affiliation make this decision for you.  Make up your own mind.

Perhaps the most common argument against gay marriage is that marriage is a religious institution.  More than 3/4ths of Americans identify themselves as Christian, whether they are affiliated with a church or not.  Yet we permit Muslims, Buddhists, and even atheists to marry, provided they are of opposite genders.  Some Christian denominations bless the union between loving same-sex couples, and allow members of the clergy to be openly gay, but the majority do not.

As someone who grew up in a devoutly Christian home, and who was educated at a Christian university, I find any Christian who condemns homosexuals to be quite confusing.  The root of Christianity is Christ.  The foundation of all Christian religions is the sacrifice and teachings of Jesus.  And while the current translation of the Bible may, indeed, condemn homosexuality, ANY legitimate Biblical scholar will tell you they are quite dubious about how accurately those passages are translated.  Regardless, the majority of what the Bible has to say about gay people is from the Old Testament, which also condones slavery, polygamy, divorce, genocide, and the list goes on and on.  Most religious institutions tend to take broad lessons from the Old Testament, rather than wielding selective scriptures as daggers in favor of this or that cause.  The New Testament has far fewer references to gay people, and Jesus never spoke a word about it.  (Paul, on the other hand, who was never married himself, yet doled out a nearly infinite amount of advice on marriage, was, in fact, a lawyer who made his living interpreting the laws from the Old Testament, so he naturally had an affinity towards the Old Law which Jesus, in fact, came to replace with a new law:  love.)  Jesus spent his time with the outcasts of society.  He dined with prostitutes and placed his hands on people afflicted with leprosy (VERY much against Old Testament law).  He preached inclusion and love.  He gave us only two laws, and they both say the same thing: “Make every decision in your life from a position of love…love for yourself, for your neighbor, and for your God.”

Coyote Buttes

And so I get quite confused when I hear Christians scrambling to deny gay people the supreme expression of love that two humans can share: marriage.  To deny them that would be as unthinkable as denying them the supreme expression of love that a human can have with his God: baptism.  There’s not a church in existence that requires someone confess to exclusive heterosexuality before being baptized.

There has been a lot of talk recently about Chick-Fil-A’s verbal (and financial) opposition to homosexuality, and I’ve tried to stay out of it.  But I am infinitely more fascinated by the Christians who have risen up in support of Chick-Fil-A over this issue, and who went out to support them by buying chicken sandwiches and marching in front of stores.  Is that what Jesus would have done?  Picked up a sign and marched in support of exclusion and separation?  Or would he have been off somewhere, on his knees, helping people?  Would it not have been more Christ-like for Christians spend that day in a soup kitchen, at the hospital or nursing home?  Jesus spent so much of his time preaching mercy and going to great (and sometimes illegal) lengths to INCLUDE.  To accept.  To forgive.  To love.  What on earth is all this denial, exclusion, and separation about?  Those are most decidedly NOT Christian values.

Rural Washington

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that being gay is a choice.  At no point in my life did I decide to be gay.  I knew I was gay from the earliest moments of my life, once I was capable of rational thought.  I was born gay.  And if you’re a Christian, that means God made me this way.  I could no more be heterosexual than YOU could suddenly become homosexual.  I am made in the image of God, and this is how he made me.  If you’re more inclined to a scientific understanding of the world, you’ll find that scientific evidence overwhelmingly points to homosexuality as a genetic phenomenon.  And there are as many gay people walking around the planet today as there were 2,000 years ago.  (Well…there are more humans on the planet, but the ratio is about the same.  Roughly 3-4%, according to most studies, though that statistic is far higher in urban areas.)

That may not sound like a lot to you, but it’s 1 out of every 25 or so.  In cities, it’s closer to 1 in 10.  There are as many gay people in this country as there are Asian people.  You have gay people in your extended family, whether you realize it or not.  And some occupations tend to attract a higher-than-average ratio of homosexuals, including teaching and (ironically) the clergy or religious service.  So if you’re a proponent of gay marriage, realize what a significant number of people you are seeking to deny this right.

Canadian Rockies

Some argue that allowing gay people to marry will destroy the sanctity of marriage.  I would argue that divorce is a far greater threat to the sanctity of marriage, and divorce among Christians identically mirrors the divorce rate of the entire country…40-50% depending on which study you look at.  (Strangely, the divorce rate amongst atheists and agnostics is lower than the national divorce rate in most studies.)  If you take a look at countries which have legalized gay marriage, like Canada, Spain and Belgium, you’ll find absolutely no change to the national divorce rate after gay marriage was legalized.

Some argue that gay marriage will make it legal for gay people to adopt children.  (Gay people can already legally adopt children in all 50 states.)  Studies show time and again, though, that kids raised in gay households are no more likely to behave differently or have problems than any other child with a father and mother.  (In fact, some studies show that kids raised by two lesbian mothers have higher self esteem and perform better in school than kids who have a father and mother.)

Thailand

Then there’s the argument that homosexuality will be championed in schools.  To me, this is a ridiculous argument.  I was taught in 4th grade public school that humans evolved from apes.  But my parents had taught me that God created humans.  Who do you think I believed at that age?  Parents, you have the ability to instill beliefs in your children that they will not shake loose until they are capable of making their own decisions.  If you believe gay marriage is wrong, your kid’s grade school teachers aren’t going to change his mind.  Hopefully, though, you will also teach him tolerance and acceptance, so that he doesn’t end up being violent toward kids who have same sex parents, or teasing and taunting openly gay kids to the point of suicide (which happens far too often.)

Marriage, however, is a covenant between two people which does not largely impact society outside of the family unit.  Your marriage does not affect the marriage of the people living two streets down from you.  Your marriage belongs to you, your spouse, and your family.  (And, if you are so inclined, your God.)  Your marriage will never be threatened by the marriage of two people you don’t know, whether they are male/female, male/male, or female/female.  Your church should NEVER be forced to practice or recognize marriage for anyone, and proponents of gay marriage are not asking for that.  There are plenty of churches who already recognize and bless same sex unions, and some gay couples are not religious and wouldn’t seek the recognition of a church in the first place…though 70% of homosexuals identify themselves as Christian.  (This is according to the Barna Group, which is the nation’s leading organization that studies faith and culture, and most of my statistics cited come from their studies.)

Sicily

But ultimately, all these arguments, to me, are moot.  Marriage is not about politics or statistics, or even about religion.  Marriage is a deeply personal ritual, and it is about love.  Marriage is something that can’t ever be defined or mandated by anything other than the two people who choose to enter into it.  Marriage is the supreme expression of love between two people.  Why would we ever want to deny that to anyone?  While marriage can most certainly end in divorce, the covenant encourages monogamy, financial and moral responsibility, community involvement…and would our society do anything but benefit from more of this?

The soul…the spirit…has no gender identity.  Gender comes from chromosomes and skin cells in different shapes.  A man doesn’t love his wife solely because of her breasts or her genitals.  A marriage doesn’t last a lifetime because of sex.  Gender and sexuality, when it comes right down to it, have very little to do with a lifelong marriage, and any couple who has celebrated 50 years of marriage will tell you that.  Marriage is about compassion, compromise, selflessness, trust, teamwork, integrity, and most of all…love.

Mauna Kea, Big Island

And to try to make laws that prevent any two human beings from expressing their true love the same way that any other couple can, is downright immoral.

My name is Ben Starr.  I am a gay man.  For 10 years I’ve been in love with Christian Eggers.  Another man.  We are both good people.  We spend a significant majority of our time helping others.  We believe in doing as much good for the world as we can before we die.  And we can do more together than we can alone.  You may not know me personally, but I hope, since you’re reading this, that you FEEL close to me.  That you feel like you understand who I am and what I believe in.

And one of the things I want most in this world is to marry the person I’ve loved for 10 years.  So next time you think about gay marriage…don’t think about what comes from the pulpit on Sunday morning.  Don’t think about polling booths and presidential races.  This issue is NOT ABOUT THAT.

France

This issue is about me.  I’m a person who tries to make every decision in life based on love and compassion and acceptance and inclusion.  If you are against gay marriage, you are personally wanting to deny it from ME, Ben Starr.  You are wanting to send a clear signal to me, and the man I have loved for a decade, that we are not as human as you.  That we don’t deserve the same loving bond that you deserve.  Putting a human face on a polarizing issue is always the best way to consider it.

Now, as I close, I must turn my thoughts to my partner of 10 years.  Christian, you have been the model of a spouse.  You are selfless, tender, caring, and supportive.  You smile at the things I do that annoy you.  You accept my messiness, my chaotic lifestyle, and the fact that I usually look like a homeless person.  You think before you speak.  You let me be right, even when I’m wrong.  You smile when I fill our house with complete strangers for dinner.  You take care of me when I’m sick, when I’m broke, and when I’m at my wit’s end.  You not only let me be who I am, you encourage me to be who I am.  You are the best husband anyone could ever hope for…and I can’t wait to spend the next decade of my life with you.  The first one has been better than my wildest dreams.

Brasil

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