Tag Archives: Kathy

MasterChef 4 recap: Baby Eels and Agnolotti (S4E9)

(PLEASE NOTE: This blog is not approved or endorsed by MasterChef or Fox, and you probably shouldn’t read it.  The opinions contained in this blog are merely the OPINIONS of a former MasterChef contestant who has no inside knowledge of how this season was produced.)

So our magical time machine transports us back from the longest-pressure-test-ever in Vegas back to the MasterChef kitchen, and apparently the contestants don’t know who was eliminated.  (You can bet they all knew the likelihood of Luca being safe, though.)  Krissi is worried that Kathy would be eliminated, and Kathy is her only friend left on the show.  (Fascinatingly enough, a fellow contestant indicates that Kathy arrived to MasterChef with a very bold diva look, with big orange hair and giant hoop earrings, and before the signature dish round, the producers made her transform into something more mousey and less Kathy.  They took her to have her hair colored, they took away her jewelry, and they made her wear baggy, drab clothes.  What a shame that she couldn’t be herself!)

When Luca walks through the door, we see genuine despondence on Krissi’s face.  Sorry, gal.

We also find out in this segment that Eddie is originally from Texas!!  So even though he now lives in Georgia, I’m gonna consider him a Texan along with James.

The mystery box today is awesome…a bounty of bizarre ethnic ingredients with no English on the labels.  And the judges aren’t going to tell the contestants what they are…they have to figure it out for themselves.  I would actually like this mystery box, even though I normally hate them.  Ethnic markets are where I do the majority of my shopping these days, and I love buying stuff with interesting packaging when I don’t have a clue what’s inside.

The box isn’t THAT bizarre, there are just a few items that are “out there.”  I immediately see rambutan, which is one of my favorite fruits!  It’s has a spiky outer shell, and a large, hard inner seed that is covered with a 1/2″ layer of fruit that has the consistency of a grape, and a beautiful, delicate, fragrant flavor.  When I’m in Hawaii, the place where I always stay has rambutan trees and I just gorge myself.

It also looks like there’s a Chinese bitter melon (it looks like a cucumber), which is the milder of the 2 species of bitter melon and is GREAT sauteed with scrambled eggs and a little soy or curry paste.  Bitter melon is used as a highly effective insulin regulator in other countries…in fact, in India, it’s practically the ONLY thing doctors prescribe to treat diabetes, and some Indian MD’s claim it can actually cure diabetes.  If you enjoy or can tolerate bitter flavors and you are diabetic, you should check it out.  Get the Chinese variety over the smaller, wartier Indian variety if you can.  The Chinese type is less bitter:

I also see some sea beans or sea asparagus.  I LOVE this stuff.  I cook with it all the time when I’m in Hawaii because it’s so cheap there.  Sea asparagus is a type of seaweed that is crunchy, juicy, succulent, and naturally salty.  It is amazing raw in salads or lightly sauteed.  Adrien Nieto and I put it into our Hawaii-Mexican fusion “guaca-poke,” which is a cross between guacamole and the Hawaiian staple poke (properly pronounced “POE-kay” though rampantly mispronounced “POE-kee” even in Hawaii).  Poke is Hawaii’s version of ceviche, raw fish (often ahi tuna) marinated with soy and sesame and tossed with onions and sea asparagus or seaweed and a variety of other veggies.  So Adrien and I make guaca-poke with raw cubed ahi, avocado, cilantro, fresh ginger, onion, garlic, sea asparagus, tomato, and lime juice.  It’s DIVINE.  If you ever see sea asparagus at your local market, you should try it.  Good stuff:

There’s also an Okinawan purple sweet potato.  I first encountered these in Hawaii, as well.  The folks I stay with have an amazing farm, and they raise them…but they raise an heirloom variety that they “illegally” snuck into Hawaii in their pocket from a farm in North Carolina that grew a particularly sweet and healthy version.  The Okinawan purple sweet potato isn’t actually a potato.  It’s a member of the morning glory family that’s native to OUR continent, but became popular in Japanese cuisine when it was introduced over there, and THEN became popular here.  They are one of the most healthy foods on the planet…absolutely packed full of antioxidants due to the anthocyanin pigments that give it color.  (The same pigment is found in beets, blueberries, chard, rhubarb, etc.)  You can find them at Asian markets, so give them a try.  They’re not nearly as sweet as yams or American sweet potatoes.  My Hawaiian friends make an amazing potato salad out of them:

There also appears to be baby bok choy or some sort of Asian cabbage.  There are some tiny green globes that might be an Asian eggplant variety.  These are the only things I identified just by looking.  Later we learn there is a can of baby eels (!?!), elk flank steak, Chinese black moss (which Krissi says must be Chinese pubic hair!), mojama which is a Spanish delicacy of salted and sun dried tuna loin, a can of cod liver (an intense umami flavor, it could be used like fish sauce or anchovy paste), and lots more than don’t get narrated for us.

This is definitely the coolest and most interesting Mystery Box in MasterChef history, I LOVE this challenge.  And while many contestants play it VERY safe and stick to the elk and potatoes, I applaud all those who went way outside their comfort zone and used the weird stuff.

After looking at that box, knowing me, I would probably do a weird Asian-influenced breakfast.  Purple sweet potato home fries with baby eggplant. Eggs scrambled with bitter melon and salt cured tuna (which is like gravlax or smoked salmon) with a bit of the cod liver, with lightly sauteed sea asparagus and crunchy fried baby eels on top.  There’s just no reason to play it safe, even though that’s exactly what Graham said HE would do!

Jordon immediately starts tasting EVERYTHING to figure out what it is, which is the mark of a great chef.

FINALLY we see some actual footage of Lynn!  He speaks with confidence and expertise.  I want to see more.  His plate of elk tartare is really stunningly plated, but the judges don’t put him in the top 3 because they say his dish is underseasoned.  (That’s really the only attack they can give when a plate looks beautiful.  Because we, the audience, can’t taste it, they can technically say whatever they want about it, which is how the show can create drama.  Only Lynn knows whether his dish was underseasoned or not.  My guess is that it was seasoned perfectly, and they’re deliberately keeping Lynn down to frustrate him and get some emotion out of his otherwise confident, stoic persona.)

The first selection for the top 3 is Eddie, who “played it safe” by searing the elk flank, making a sweet potato puree, and sauteing the greens with olive oil and lemon zest.  The judges say it is simple but perfectly executed.

Next is Jordan, who really stepped outside his comfort zone and utilized all of the weird stuff.  He has a “salad” of black moss and sea asparagus, salt cured tuna, sauteed greens, crispy baby eels, with purple sweet potato chips.  I love it that, as he’s narrating his dish, he really doesn’t know WHAT it is.  He just knows it tastes good.  Very impressive, Jordan.

Finally, Bime comes forward with a lovely plated dish that is similar to Eddie’s but a little more dangerous.  He has a sweet potato mash topped with baby eels and perfectly cooked elk flank.

The winner is, surprisingly, the guy who played it the safest…Eddie.  (Great way to teach the contestants to step outside their comfort zone, producers!  Ha ha ha…)

Eddie heads back to the pantry to discover the theme of the next challenge, which is: filled pasta.  Definitely one of the more challenging things for a chef to produce.  The judges present him with 3 types of filled pasta to choose from:

Agnolotti – (pronounced “an-yo-LO-tee”) These little pillows of stuffed pasta hail from the mountainous region of Piedmont in northwestern Italy.  A really stunning place.  The traditional filling is some type of meat and/or veggies (typically leftovers), and they are sauced with a lightly reduced beef stock, or a sage brown butter sauce.


Mezzaluna – (pronounced “met-zah-LOO-nah”)  Translated as “half moon,” this pasta is obviously named for its shape.  It can be stuffed with anything, but most often a cheese like ricotta and/or herbs.  They are among the easiest of the filled pastas to make, you just cut circles of dough, spoon in a little filling, moisten the edges, fold the circle in half, and seal with a fork.


Caramelle – (pronounced “kah-dah-MELL-eh”)  This one is kinda obvious in its naming origin, too.  The shape of the pasta mimics a wrapped caramel candy.  (Gordon says they call it the “bonbon pasta” in Italy…I’ve never heard of that.)  It is typically stuffed with cheese, Gordon’s version is stuffed with mozzarella and sauced with a spicy tomato sauce (pomodoro or, if it’s really spicy, arrabbiata).  It is the most “informal” and rustic of the 3 filled pastas…something you can make quickly at home…and would probably be the very simplest choice.

Eddie is safe from cooking, and he wants to choose the most challenging type of pasta for his competitors, so he picks the agnolotti.  It is the most challenging to shape, and since it traditionally has a meat filling, it’s more complex than a cheese filling.

Last season Joe gave us a demonstration of how to shape tortellini, except that the camera never showed the final product once he had shaped it.  (Contestants say he did it multiple times just to get a shot of him doing it correctly, but that the final result wasn’t pretty enough to show.)  This season the producers aren’t making him do that again.  Thank God.  He has invited someone else to do the demonstration, and that someone is the queen of Italian American cooking…Joe’s Mom.  The legendary Lidia Bastianich.  She’s like the Julia Child of Italian food…she brought Italian home cooking to the American table via her appearances with Julia Child in the early 90s, to her 5 PBS shows in the late 90s.  She also appeared as a judge on the FIRST MasterChef USA in 2000, which was on PBS at that time, did NOT have Gordon Ramsay, and was probably the kind of show that I WISH MasterChef was.  Read about it on Wikipedia.  In addition, Lidia is a highly successful restaurateur, with restaurants primarily in NYC but also in Kansas City and Pittsburgh, and she was one of the people who helped put celebrity chef Mario Batali on the map.

So Lidia waltzes in through the door and Krissi pees in her pants.  (I peed in my pants, too, Krissi, when we had to cook for Lidia in a group challenge on my season.)  She’s definitely a legend, and Krissi quips, “If Jesus came down and stood next to Lidia, I’d be like ‘What’s up, dude?  LIDIA, HOW ARE YOU?!?

Lidia didn’t grow up cooking.  In fact, she wasn’t even the chef of her first restaurant…she learned to cook from the chef there after she gave birth to Joe’s sister.  But extensive travel and study in Italy and Croatia, which is where the Bastianich family is from and where their vineyards are, turned her into an expert.  In case you didn’t know, Joe was never pressured into joining the family restaurant business.  He went to college, became a bond trader on Wall Street, but loved the food world so much that he walked away from that high-paying career and convinced his mom to help him start his first restaurant, Becco.  So in a way, Joe is like many of the MasterChef contestants.  He left the path his life was on to follow his dream.  And while a lot of the MasterChef fans don’t care for Joe at all, there’s no doubt that he’s in the food business because he loves food.  Sure, he had an easier ticket because of his mother’s success.  But it’s no secret that Joe would be MORE wealthy than he currently is had he stayed on Wall Street.  Instead, he followed his dream, and he has been very successful at it.  He may not be a chef.  But he’s a smart guy.  He’s savvy.  He’s shrewd.  And his restaurants are incredible.

Back to Lidia…she’s going to give a demonstration on how to make agnolotti, but the twist is that Eddie gets to send 2 people out of the room, so that they don’t get to see the demo.  Krissi shouts up at him, “I’ll kill you where you stand, Eddie.”  Not because she needs to see the demo.  Krissi is an accomplished Italian cook.  But Lidia is her idol, and she wants to watch her cook.

Eddie is strategic about his decision.  He wants to pick strong competitors who may not be experienced with pasta, to put them at the most disadvantage.  He sends out Lynn, who has always wanted to learn agnolotti, and James, who says, “I’m not mad at him.  He’s playing the game smart.”

And here we have encapsulated what I abhor about what MasterChef has become.  It has become a game; a game where strategy is more important than cooking.  And that may be the way the restaurant industry is.  But people aren’t going to come to your restaurant if you’ve got great strategy on the plate.  They come for the food, and if it’s good, they come back.  This is not The Apprentice: Restaurateuring.  This show is not about being a savvy, shrewd strategist.  This is supposed to be a show about which home cooks have the potential to become a great chef.  And while these “games” make the show interesting from a sociological standpoint, I hate them, and I’m about to stop watching.

Why does this have to be the evolution of EVERY reality TV show?  Why did Survivor have to go from people actually surviving in the wilderness to alliances and strategies, scheming against every one of your fellow competitors, even your “friends,” to come out on top?  This brings back up the comparison to Capitalism I made in an earlier MasterChef blog.  This is the most disgusting, vile thing about America and Capitalism…it teaches us an “every man for himself” mindset.  It encourages us to succeed AT ALL COSTS, even at the expense of those around us.  It teaches us that the best decision is always one that’s in self-interest, even if it’s damaging to others.

This is why I have decided I will NOT join MasterChef for a reunion or “all stars” show, if I’m invited to participate.  I know that will make my fans upset.  But just imagine that MasterChef season: since all the prior contestants already know how engineered the show is, that reunion show will be even more of a Hunger Games.  It would come to the point where the producers would have ME singled out in front of the judges.  And after all this criticizing and preaching I’ve been doing for the past 2 seasons, you can be certain that they’re thirsty for blood.  They’ll put me in a position where I’m FORCED to do something cruel or mean to a contestant, like take away their mixer, prevent them from viewing a demonstration, or, in all likelihood…something worse.  And I won’t do it.  And there will be a big, nasty, awkward production halt.  And I’ll leave the set and hitchhike home.  And they’ll try to sue me for all the vast millions of dollars I have hidden under my mattress.  And they’ll have to re-shoot the whole season without me, or stage some dramatic stunt to explain why I left.  And it will be a stupendous mess.

(Or maybe they’re smarter than that and they know that the audience wouldn’t stand for them manipulating someone like me or Christine or Monti or Whitney, and instead they’ll put us in positions where we can help other contestants at our own expense, and the audience weeps and feels great, and we get to be the redemption scapegoat for the manipulations they’ve been spinning thus far.)

Regardless, I am completely, utterly disgusted by what this show has become.  And the American audience is LOVING it.  (Check the ratings.)  It breaks my heart that this is the kind of television we have an appetite for.  This is why I don’t watch TV.  And NEITHER SHOULD YOU.  Or at least watch GOOD TV, which is increasingly rare these days.  TV that celebrates humanity, compassion, generosity, integrity, and empathy.  TV that puts people in a position to be HUMAN, rather than selfishly, sadistically animalistic.  Last season, even though the show had its nasty moments, we had this over-arching thread of good that Christine Ha and Monti Carlo brought to it.  We hoped and we cried and we felt good things in our hearts for them.  They were fighters and they were struggling.  But they were never forced into a position where they had to hurt another contestant in order to gain benefit for themselves.  This year, it’s all about the contestants sh-tting all over each other, scheming, scamming, to try to win by sabotaging their fellow competitors, rather than winning because they’re the best cook…where’s the goodness, Adeline and Robin and Elisabeth?  I hope to God it’s coming.  I’m not gonna make it much longer.  I have far better things to do with my time…things that make more lives better than just my own.

*steps off the soapbox*

Lidia demonstrates agnolotti.  The contestants make agnolotti.  Krissi and Jessie are the best.

There are 4 on the bottom:

Jonny, for making butternut squash agnolotti with a maple cream sauce.  (If you haven’t noticed, Italians are prone to resist modifications to their classic dishes.  The Spanish and Dutch are completely the opposite.  Personally, I’d be very interested to taste Jonny’s dish.)

Lynn, who didn’t get to see the demo and processed his filling too smooth in the food processor (rather than using the meat grinder for a more coarse texture).  His delicious-sounding ricotta and short rib agnolotti with charred leek brown butter sauce is also proclaimed by the judges as underseasoned.  (Again, that’s an easy faked criticism since WE can’t taste it.  After being criticized in the mystery box for underseasoning, I GUARANTEE you Lynn didn’t also underseason this dish.)

Beth, for undercooking her agnolotti, which is stuffed with herbs, ricotta, watercress, and goat cheese.  (DANG that sounds good.)

And Howard, for daring to be creative with the concept of agnolotti and seasoning his veggie, jalapeno and chicken filling with cumin.  Lidia says, “Classics work and are appreciated time after time, otherwise they wouldn’t be called classics.”  She is correct.  But if no one ever innovated, cuisine would become stale.  Innovation has led to dramatic improvements in cooking, like the sous vide technique, which yields near-miraculous results for cooking meat and fish.  Joe, in traditional Italian fashion, doesn’t like the way Howard is talking to his mother, so he lights into him.  Howard defends himself with the VERY acceptable question, “So you want 15 of the same dish up here every time?”  But no human is allowed to question Joe Bastianich.  He hisses: “The only thing worse than a cook who can’t boil is a narcissist in denial.  Thank you for nothing.”  Food in garbage.  Howard goes home.

Please comment below, but I have to take a break from this nonsense because my blood pressure is through the roof.  I’m going to go pet my chickens, (who just started laying this week!), pull weeds in my garden, pick blueberries and take them to my neighbors, and try to do SOMETHING good for the world to offset this temple of self-interest that MasterChef season 4 has become.

MasterChef 4 recap: Burgers and Lobsters in Las Vegas (S4E8)

(PLEASE NOTE: This blog is not approved or endorsed by MasterChef or Fox, and you probably shouldn’t read it.  These are opinions from a former MasterChef season 2 contestant who officially has no inside knowledge of the making of this season.  …well, not officially, anyway.)

Because of the disastrous Eggs Benedict pressure test, the judges absolutely couldn’t come to a conclusion on which contestant to eliminate, so the ONLY option is to walk out the door of the MasterChef kitchen in Culver City, CA and into Gordon’s “BurGR” restaurant in Las Vegas, in the Planet Hollywood complex.  (I’ve actually overnighted in that hotel on backpacking trips before, I had NO CLUE Gordon had a restaurant there.  Maybe it wasn’t open when I stayed there.)

I have to pause for a moment and express my disdain for Las Vegas.  I think it embodies all the worst in America.  Excess indulgence in an environment that can’t afford it…neither in resources nor manpower.  The desert CANNOT support the megastructures and exponential visitors it receives in a year.  If you’ve been to Lake Mead and seen the alarmingly low water level, you know what I’m talking about.  Lake Mead, held back the by Hoover Dam, provides Vegas with its two lifebloods: water and electricity.  The lake has been consistently BELOW the drought level (which is 1125 feet above sea level…at its “full” level it should be 1229 feet, more than A HUNDRED FEET above that) since the late 1980s.  So the lake has been about 150 feet BELOW the level it should be for a long time.  If the lake level drops below 1050 feet, the Hoover Dam stops producing electricity.  (It reached 1082 feet in 2010.)  If the Hoover Dam loses electrical capability, not only will Las Vegas find itself without power, so will most of Southern California.  Scientists forecast that by 2021, the lake can no longer be used as a water supply.  But rather than focusing development of the world’s biggest resort city in a place where it actually might be SUSTAINABLE, such as the Great Lakes region (where there is plenty of water and power for such an indulgent city of excess), Vegas continues to expand, despite the city planners knowing that, come 2021, there will be NO water and NO power for the city.  Like…none.  Massive emergency plans are being developed for when this happens, including power plant construction and the development of pipelines to bring in water from far flung areas outside the drought-prone West, all of which will make the city even less sustainable than it is now, if such a thing is possible.

In addition to it being a stupendously irresponsible place to build a megacity, I find it to be very depressing.  Sure, the fabulous hotels and lights and fountains can be impressive at first.  But a walk through a casino at 6am, when the blaring desert sun is just piercing through the doors, and you smell the stale smoke and see the lifeless, desperate folks with hollow eyes still trying to eke out a win from the slot machine…a walk through the streets to chat with the homeless kids who moved out there to become prostitutes and now have HIV and a meth addiction…a visit to the crash pad where 10 hotel workers share a single bedroom and work two 8-hour shifts, 7 days a week at minimum wage to stay afloat and support their families in Mexico or the Philippines…your impression of Las Vegas will change.  (My method of travel tends to land me in situations where I’m exposed to this stuff, rather than the glitz and glamour of the tourist side of a destination.  Vegas is the single most depressing place I’ve ever visited, and I’ve traveled extensively in developing countries around the world.)

Vegas is a scourge and it should not exist.  Luckily, Mother Nature will take care of this for us in a decade or two!

So the four contestants in danger of elimination, Luca, Kathy, Natasha, and Beth, are led into Gordon’s restaurant to run the dinner service for the evening.  Gordon tells us that they average 860 burgers a night.  The burgers are not reported to be huge, so I’m assuming they are 1/4 pound patties, which means they’re blasting through 215 pounds of meat a night (about a cow every 2 nights), or more than 78,000 pounds of meat in a year.  That’s a LOT of meat!

They don’t make their menu available online, but you can read their reviews on Yelp and UrbanSpoon.  The burgers apparently run $15-$20 with no sides…most folks who make an evening of it end up spending about $75-$100 a person for their burger meal.  (Most of that is probably going to the wall of fire and the big portrait of Ramsay smiling down on his diner, and to help offset the hotels’ astronomical water and electricity bill!)

For tonight, the restaurant is closed to normal operation, and the contestants will be running it.  Brings back horrific memories of cooking at Gordon’s The London and at Joachim Splichal’s Patina during my season.  (For the record, Splichal is actually a certified MasterChef, and to my knowledge, none of the MasterChef judges are actually certified MasterChefs.)  You can’t imagine the pressure, cooking in a kitchen like this, renowned for producing world-class cuisine.  Very few MasterChef contestants have a clue how a restaurant kitchen really works.  I certainly didn’t.  It was a rude awakening, and made me realize that the last thing on earth I want to be is a chef.  I have to sit down with the people I cook for.  Not churn out carbon copy after carbon copy of the same plate each night, for all of eternity, never getting to even glimpse the folks I’m cooking for.

Graham says that BurGR normally operates with 13 chefs…the exec, 3 sous, and 9 line cooks.  Tonight it will only be the 4 contestants.  (Though, undoubtedly, they will serve a very restricted number of guests.)  Gordon will be filling the role of “expediter” which is basically the orchestral conductor for the kitchen.  He keeps everyone together and on pace.  He calls out the orders, so they know what to make.  He gathers the orders at the window and coordinates with waitstaff to get the right orders to the right table.  Luckily, things are a bit simplified because the contestants only have to produce a single type of burger over and over.  (When WE cooked at The London, we had to make 5 different mini-courses, and when we cooked at Patina, we had to replicate 4 of the executive chef’s complex dishes, to order.)

The judges assign the teams: Beth is cooking with Natasha (of course, after their spat over the cauliflower puree in the firefighter steak challenge), and Luca is cooking with Kathy.  Luca and Kathy definitely have the upper hand here.  Luca manages a restaurant, so he KNOWS how all this works.  (Which means, of course, that they’re going to lose.)

The teams have 1 hour of prep time, followed by 75 minutes of continuous service, to churn out a “signature burger” of their own invention.  (I’m curious as to why Walmart’s USDA Choice ground beef isn’t being used in Gordon’s restaurant?!?  No Steakover, Gordon?)  Luca designates an all-beef burger with caramelized onions, a sauce, and no cheese.  Kathy is worried, because she’s in touch with the predominant American obsession with cheese on a burger.  (I want my burger with cheese, too, Kathy!)  Beth wants theirs to be a “hangover burger” with Gruyere, crispy prosciutto, a sunny-side-up egg, with truffle aioli.  That’s got my mouth watering…it sounds AMAZING.  (I’ve noticed when I’ve posted burgers with fried eggs on Facebook, a lot of my fans are grossed out by that.  If you’ve never tried it, you have to.  It is DIVINE!)  Natasha is justifiably concerned about adding another cook-to-order feature to their burger.  They have to worry about not only the patties being done, but the eggs, as well.  And devoting real estate on the flat top to eggs, rather than burgers, is a risk.  But Natasha is strategically allowing Beth to make all the decisions (and immediately gave up the team leadership position to Beth) so that, if their team looses, she can say it wasn’t her fault.  Not a very admirable strategy, but a shrewd one.

The judges begin discussing the “pâté” or the meat mixture that should go into the perfect burger.  I’ve never heard burger mix called pâté before, pâté is usually a spreadable paste of cooked meat.  Perhaps “patty” came from pâté.  Who knows?  They all seem very insistent that burgers should not be adulterated with egg or breadcrumbs, because then you’re making meatloaf.  When I make burgers, which is not that often, I fold minced onion and garlic into the meat, along with lots of black pepper and a bit of chili powder and salt, and then I stuff them with bleu cheese.  That’s my favorite way to make a burger.  Gordon is VERY worried when Beth is adding egg to her pâté, but I think that’s just for the camera.  The egg isn’t going to change the flavor of the burger, just add richness.  He later has to intervene because they seem to be focusing more on their toppings rather than on the burger itself.  He projects that they’ll be losing.  (Which, of course, means they’ll win.  It’s so funny, Jennie Kelley can predict with almost 100% accuracy within the first 5 minutes of an episode who is going to win and who will be eliminated.  The editing can be very formulaic.)

Both teams have to abandon part of their plans.  The onions aren’t getting prepped fast enough, so Luca has to abandon his sauce to help Kathy with the caramelized onions.  The eggs aren’t manageable, so Beth and Natasha cancel them in favor of goat cheese and arugula with their crispy prosciutto.

Gordon designates a rule out-of-the-blue when service begins.  Once he calls for an order and one team’s order is up in the window, he will wait no longer than 60 seconds for the other team’s order before sending the food.  (In reality, this was probably announced to the teams during the “rules” meeting which happens before every challenge.  There’s all sorts of crazy legal mumbo jumbo that governs each challenge, and lawyers are brought in to explain the rules just before the challenge begins.  Most contestants, however, are too busy conceptualizing their menu and planning to actually listen to the rules.)  This makes things MUCH more complex for the teams, but since they’re producing the same plate over and over, it’s far easier than coordinating different kitchen lines producing different dishes that have to be up at the same time, which is what happens nightly in a restaurant kitchen.  Since working the line at The London and Patina, and discovering exactly what a miracle it is that an entire table’s food arrives simultaneously, I am always completely astounded when I dine out.

Beth has a priceless quote: “The kitchen during service is just fire and noise and the voice of Gordon Ramsay screaming.”  She’s right.  The expediter is the most important person in the kitchen, and Gordon is probably an excellent one in real life, but when the camera is on, he causes as much chaos as he does organization.  Yelling at someone to “get it together” has never, ever been effective at any point in the history of the human race.  People always know when things are chaotic that they need to get it together.  They just may not know HOW.  So screaming the obvious at the top of your lungs only adds to the frustration and confusion.  At one point, Beth and Natasha have an order in the window, and Kathy and Luca don’t have any patties done…they are still on the grill.  Ramsay is screaming at Luca as if that will make the patties cook faster.  All that’s doing is making Luca frustrated and helpless.  (Which you WANT on reality TV, and most certainly DO NOT WANT in a restaurant kitchen.)  Luca responds by plating rare burgers, and then Gordon lights into him for doing so, despite the fact that 5 seconds earlier, he was screaming for Luca to plate the burgers.

It’s no cakewalk over on Beth and Natasha’s team.  One of their buns gets burned in the salamander (the broiler), and Gordon STOPS them and screams at them.  (As if they were going to plate a charred bun, anyway.)  Hey, Gordon…they KNOW the bun is burned.  And they’re starting over.

Luca and Kathy’s burgers are coming back raw, and Gordon says they need to “Stop, rethink, and get a grip.”  This is an issue of time, and no amount of rethinking will help here.  Burgers take a certain amount of time to cook through.  If Luca can think above Einstein and perhaps devise some sort of time portal through which he can get a burger to cook faster, MAYBE rethinking will help here.  But Luca’s only got 2 choices when Gordon screams for a plate:  Plate a raw burger.  Or put nothing up.  (Some people LOVE rare burgers, so your chances of getting a vote in this situation seem to favor sending a raw burger over sending nothing.)  That’s my 2 cents.

The VIPs for the evening arrive, and of course it’s the other contestants.  Luca has learned from the previous events of the evening, and decides to rush the window with his orders, leaving Natasha and Beth without enough time in that 60 second window to keep up.  It works only for the final 4 burgers, so we know that Team N/B is automatically down 4 votes.  (Probably about as many as Team L/K lost to raw burgers, so in reality, they’re even.  VIP votes don’t count any more than the regular diners do.)

The results are revealed, with Beth and Natasha garnering the most votes.  We’re never told how many burgers they cooked, but the voting device is labeled in increments and it appears to be 30 chips on one side, and just under 25 chips on the other.  So I’m guessing they only served 50-60 burgers, as opposed to the 860 the restaurant normally puts out in a night.

In her relief, Natasha spouts that age old axiom, “I’m here for a competition, not to make friends.”  I wish that phrase was illegal.  It clearly displays what Capitalism has done to the American psyche.  This “win at the expense of everyone else” is the Achilles heel of Capitalism…which is certainly the best economic system we’ve got, but is far from perfect and CANNOT operate purely on its own, simply because of that statement.  Because when humanity is disregarded in favor of winning, evil things happen.  Lives are destroyed.  And that eventually brings EVERYTHING down.  (Capitalism may last a few centuries longer than Socialism or Communism, but it always ends up in the same place: Revolution by the Have Nots over the Have Everythings.)

Wow, that was a tangent!  But even in reality TV, I have a hard time acknowledging the humanity of ANY contestant who spouts this.  Though, in fairness, it has become such a standard phrase that I think most people just spout it without ACTUALLY THINKING about it.  (And I’ve heard that people are heaping hate on contestants like Natasha and Krissi…let’s be civilized, folks, and give them the benefit of the doubt.  You can NEVER judge someone’s character by how they are edited on reality TV.)

Again I return to the position that, if people entered a competition with personal integrity and compassion for their rivals, we would see a FAR more captivating and interesting competition.  I will ALWAYS share ingredients with a competitor…even if I have to rethink my dish and go without.  ESPECIALLY if that competitor has been mean to me previously.  I will ALWAYS stop what I’m doing to help someone in need, even if it means I lose.  Because, in the end, I don’t lose.  I win.  Because I gain the respect of the audience, the respect of my loved ones, and the most important respect of all…SELF RESPECT.  Sure, self respect doesn’t pay me $250k.  But that money will be vanished in a few years, anyway, and I’d be left with my lack of self respect, despised by the audience for competing selfishly, and my personal integrity in question by the people who love me the most.  What price are we to put on our humanity?  I keep returning to a phrase coined by Marie Porter, a contestant from this season’s top 100: “In today’s society, we need to be encouraging people to have empathy for each other… not training the masses to lack it.”  Which is exactly what the bulk of reality TV is doing…including, increasingly, MasterChef.

So Kathy and Luca have to endure yet ANOTHER challenge in this endless pressure test that has spread across almost 2 episodes.  They will be working with “one of the most expensive, luxurious ingredients in the entire world.”  Alvin and Jennie and I immediately shout “FOIE” at the same time.  (Foie gras, the engorged, fatty livers of ducks or geese that have gorged, or been force-fed, food.)  The sale of foie gras has recently been outlawed in California due to its controversial production, so it would make perfect sense that they would cook with it in Vegas, where it is legal and graces the menus of many restaurants there.

For the record, lobster is not even close to being one of the most expensive ingredients in the world.  In most places, lobster can be found live for $10-$15 a pound.  (Foie is closer to $50.)  Visit any gourmet fish market and you’ll see the fish fillets for most species priced up to twice the price for lobster.  (I bought swordfish on sale the other day for $24.99 a pound.  Sushi grade ahi tuna?  Fuggetabouddit.)  But lobster, at least to the masses, has an air of sophistication about it.

Personally, I could care less about these roaches of the sea.  I find their meat to be flavorless and often tough.  (Especially the coveted big lobsters.)  Give me king crab legs over lobster tail ANY day of the week.  Or properly cooked octopus.  Or a scallop seared to perfection.  But if I have to eat lobster, I want it to be small, when the meat is still tender.

NOT a world record lobster, just a big one.

For the record, the largest lobster ever officially documented was caught off Nova Scotia.  It weighed 44 pounds and was 3 1/2 feet long.  I cannot imagine how tough that meat was!  On my season, the behemoths we worked with were only around 4 pounds, which is still a BIG lobster, but resulted in tail meat that was just too tough, no matter how gently you cooked it.

Graham reveals a full butter poached lobster, meat completely removed from the shell, and tells us that 6 million lobsters are devoured in Vegas each year.  (If that statistic is correct, that’s about 15% of the average domestic lobster catch, FYI.)  Luca and Kathy will have 45 minutes to present a shell-less butter poached lobster with a small salad.  Pie.

Lobster doesn’t take long to cook.  First you dispatch the lobster.  If you don’t like the idea of a direct kill, you can put the lobster in the freezer for an hour, which doesn’t kill it, but puts it in a coma.  According to conventional knowledge, the most humane way to dispatch them is what Luca and Kathy both do, split it right between the eyes, severing an important nerve.  (Though some scientists say that this doesn’t kill the lobster, since, as an insect…okay “arthropod”… it has no central brain.)  It also allows the poaching water to flood the lobster’s body cavity, diluting the flavor.

Then, you do a quick water poach to help the meat pull away from the shell.  A few minutes, max, then chill it immediately in a water bath to stop the cooking.  Then you twist off the tail and carefully peel away the shell.  Cracking out the claw meat is the toughest part, especially on a big lobster.  In Season 2 I spent almost 20 minutes trying to get a perfectly intact claw out of the shell, and once I had it plated (seconds before time was called) I realized how humorous that GIANT claw looked, it practically covered my entire bowl of red curry and draped off each side of the bowl.  The claw shell is the thickest part of the whole lobster.  The contestants are also supposed to take out the knuckle meat, which can be tricky, but if you have a lobster cracker, careful use of this tool can make it easier to do than the claw, by gently cracking it all over, like peeling an egg.

Here’s a video of mine on how to grill a lobster:

Once the meat is out, it’s time for the butter poach, which first involves emulsifying butter into simmering water, then, if you’re smart, adding the juices from the lobster’s body cavity (and any roe/eggs and possibly the green organ called the “tomalley”) to the poaching liquid to flavor it, in addition to salting it.  Then you gently poach the meat at below-simmering temps (160F is perfect).  Then you toss together your salad, and you’re done.

Both contestants plate their lobster, and both have imperfections.  Kathy’s lobster is perfectly cooked: “glistening inside” (there’s that word again…gross), but the knuckles were a bit too raggedly removed from the shell for Gordon’s taste.  Her salad is too acidic.  Joe shows a rare tender moment with Kathy, saying she has one of the biggest hearts they’ve ever seen.  (Too bad they didn’t edit this into the show.  I would LOVE to have seen more of Kathy.)

Luca’s lobster is presented perfectly, but the meat is too pale…that means his water wasn’t at a full rolling boil for the first poach, or he removed it too quickly.  Luckily, his lobster is also “glistening.”

It’s close, but the axe falls to Kathy.  Joe continues to show us his soft side, as he admits to being wrong about Kathy when he first judged her.  Gordon offers her the opportunity to stage (pronounced “stahhhhzh,” basically an unpaid intern) at one of his NY restaurants.  A cool offer, to be sure, but he’s not giving her a job, he’s getting free labor out of it.  It will be interesting to see if Kathy takes him up on that offer.  That’s an EXCELLENT way to learn first-hand, and looks amazing on a resume.

Kathy, we didn’t see enough of you, unfortunately.  I would have loved to have seen more.  You can follow Kathy on Twitter and Facebook, and wish her all the best!

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